This is the seventh in a series of posts about things a birth partner should plan ahead for.

1. Plan Ahead – The Drive
2. Plan Ahead – Birth Plan
3. Plan Ahead – Setting up at Home
4. Plan Ahead – Take Birthing Classes
5. Plan Ahead – Packing
6. Plan Ahead – Know Her Situation
7. Plan Ahead – Be Ready to Comfort
8. Plan Ahead – Series Wrap-Up

Labor is difficult.  Lots of things are going on with a woman’s body as she works to give birth.  One of your roles as a birth partner is as a comforter.  You will help her feel as comfortable, safe, and relaxed as possible, both physically and emotionally.

This post will mainly focus on providing physical comfort.  That is not to say that emotional comfort is not important!  In fact, it is even more important than physical comfort.

In this series, I have already suggested that you take a birthing class that covers comfort techniques.  If you choose not to take such a class, at least find a list of comfort techniques somewhere so that you can try them out and discuss them.  (I suspect that by the time you find a good resource that demonstrates or explains comfort techniques and have tried them out, you’ll have invested at least as much time as you would have in taking the class.)

Once you have tried out your potential comfort techniques on mother-to-be–so that she has a chance to experience them–the two of you need to have a discussion about them.

There are two basic questions that you can use at the start of a comfort techniques discussion:

1. Do you want us to use comfort techniques during labor?
2. Do you think you’ll want me to touch you (e.g. hold your hand, stroke your hair, hug you) during labor?

Most likely, she will want to at least try comfort techniques.  And most likely, she will want some sort of physical touch to reassure her.  If she does not think she will want to be touched, you should still discuss comfort techniques.  Laboring mothers have been known to change their minds, and you need to be prepared.

You should ask her what comfort techniques she liked, and which ones she absolutely didn’t like.  You should also ask which comfort techniques she thinks she’d like to try first during labor.  Write these answers down so you can be sure of her answers later.  You don’t want to be in the middle of labor, wanting to help her feel more comfortable, and asking yourself, “did she say she liked the hip squeeze thing, or was that the one she hated?”  You want to be able to make a useful suggestion.  “You really liked that hip squeeze thing.  How about we see if that helps things feel better?”

Speaking of making suggestions, it would be a good idea to ask her how active she wants you to be with comfort techniques.  She may want you to be very involved, actively making suggestions and helping her through each comfort technique.  She may only want you to help when she asks.  You should take mental notes on her preferences here.  Now, you may end up making suggestions during labor, even if that was not her preference–so knowing her preference will help you phrase the suggestion more gently.

Please understand that during labor, as changes occur in her body, some techniques become ineffective and others suddenly become effective.  Be willing to try, abandon, and re-try techniques as labor progresses.  You may feel like you’re playing an unfair guessing game, but sometimes just trying will be comforting to her.  And as an aside, the nurse may have suggestions if you start running out of ideas.

I said earlier that this post wouldn’t cover emotional support–and it really doesn’t much–but here’s a quick bonus:  understanding her preferences and desires regarding comfort techniques will help you be more attuned to her and more responsive to her during labor.  That will be emotionally comforting to her.  She will be much happier if you suggest something she liked during practice, because she will know you listened and valued her.

Next up in the series:  Plan Ahead – Series Wrap-Up