{"id":53,"date":"2014-01-22T05:00:45","date_gmt":"2014-01-22T11:00:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.birthpartnerbook.com\/wp\/?p=53"},"modified":"2014-04-17T20:03:34","modified_gmt":"2014-04-18T01:03:34","slug":"plan-ahead-know-her-situation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.birthpartnerbook.com\/wp\/plan-ahead-know-her-situation\/","title":{"rendered":"Plan Ahead – Know Her Situation"},"content":{"rendered":"

This is the sixth in a series of posts about things a birth partner should plan ahead for.<\/em><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Plan Ahead – The Drive<\/a><\/em><\/li>\n
  2. Plan Ahead – Birth Plan<\/em><\/a><\/li>\n
  3. Plan Ahead – Setting up at Home<\/em><\/a><\/li>\n
  4. Plan Ahead – Take Birthing Classes<\/em><\/a><\/li>\n
  5. Plan Ahead – Packing<\/em><\/a><\/li>\n
  6. Plan Ahead – Know Her Situation<\/em><\/a><\/li>\n
  7. Plan Ahead – Be Ready to Comfort<\/em><\/a><\/li>\n
  8. Plan Ahead – Series Wrap-Up<\/em><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Did you know that the woman whose birth partner you’re going to be has a pretty good idea of what her pregnancy situation is?\u00a0 Did you know she has birth-related concerns, and could list at least a few of them without thinking too much about it?<\/p>\n

    You probably know that.\u00a0 Those are pretty silly questions.\u00a0 Yes, of course she knows what’s going on with her.<\/p>\n

    How about you?\u00a0 Can you, without wandering off to think about it, give me a pretty good summary of her pregnancy situation?\u00a0 Can you list a couple of her concerns about giving birth?<\/p>\n

    If not, it’s time to have a conversation.\u00a0 You need to get inside her head and understand what is going on.\u00a0 A great American philosopher once explained that “knowing is half the battle.”<\/p>\n

    The point of the conversation is not to try to fix things or dismiss her concerns.\u00a0 The conversation should not go like this:<\/p>\n

    You:\u00a0 Hey, so I read this post that says I should know about your pregnancy situation and concerns, so let’s talk.<\/p>\n

    Her (feeling loved and valued, but slightly confused):\u00a0 Okay, I guess now works.<\/p>\n

    You:\u00a0 So, um, what are your concerns about giving birth?<\/p>\n

    Her:\u00a0 Well, I’m a bit worried about how much labor is supposed to hurt.<\/p>\n

    You:\u00a0 Psssh.\u00a0 Don’t worry about that.\u00a0 If it hurts too much, we’ll just get you an epidural.\u00a0 Didn’t Sally say that she couldn’t even feel it after her epidural?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

    Dismissing her concerns or trying to fix them will tell her that you’re not really interested, even if you’re incredibly interested, taking notes, and doing your best to understand every part of her situation and concerns.\u00a0 Yeah, it could be frustrating.\u00a0 Yes, it might not be an easy conversation to have.\u00a0 Yes, it will be worth it.<\/p>\n

    Ask her about her concerns.\u00a0 Ask her about how her pregnancy is going.\u00a0 Ask if her doctor has mentioned any potential complications (late-term head-up positioning, gestational diabetes, and Group B Strep come to mind as things that might worry her).\u00a0 Whatever concerns or complications she mentions, reassure her that you will be with her through the whole thing.<\/p>\n

    Now, she might have concerns about you.<\/p>\n

    You:\u00a0 Anything else you’re worried about?<\/p>\n

    Her (uncomfortable):\u00a0 Well, I don’t know…<\/p>\n

    You:\u00a0 It’s okay, you can tell me.\u00a0 What is it?<\/p>\n

    Her:\u00a0 Well, it’s just that…well…Sally said Mark thought the birth part was totally gross, and passed out so the doctor had to cut the cord instead of him and then the nurses were trying to take care of him so it took longer to get the baby to her and she didn’t know if the baby was okay or if Mark was okay and she was really worried and then they didn’t get any good pictures of them holding newborn Kayden and I don’t want that to happen!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

    Well.\u00a0 Good luck with that.<\/p>\n

    The way you handle her concerns about you will vary based on your relationship and experiences.\u00a0 A good response could be anything from “um, wait a second there, I’m a trauma surgeon, so birth will be a piece of cake” to “yeah, you’re right, maybe I’ll have to sit down by your head so I don’t see blood–you know how I get when I see blood”, to “I know, but this book<\/a> you got me is helping me be completely prepared and ready to do the right thing, so even if I pass out I should do everything else right.”\u00a0 There are many possible responses.\u00a0 Just pick one that’s gentle and loving, not defensive and snotty.<\/p>\n

    No matter whether she has concerns about you, no matter what the potential complications, no matter what her pregnancy situation, your taking the time to understand her exact situation gives you two great benefits:<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. It strengthens your relationship with her.\u00a0 That’s valuable enough on its own.\u00a0 It will also help you be a more effective birth partner.<\/li>\n
    2. It gives you more knowledge so you can be better prepared.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      Those benefits make the conversation (or multiple conversations) worth having.<\/p>\n

      Next up in the series:\u00a0 Plan Ahead – Be Ready to Comfort<\/a>
      \n<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      This is the sixth in a series of posts about things a birth partner should plan ahead for. Plan Ahead – The Drive Plan Ahead – Birth Plan Plan Ahead – Setting up at Home Plan Ahead – Take Birthing Classes Plan Ahead – Packing Plan Ahead – Know Her Situation Plan Ahead – Be […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[9,4],"class_list":["post-53","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-conversation","tag-planning"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.birthpartnerbook.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/53","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.birthpartnerbook.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.birthpartnerbook.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.birthpartnerbook.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.birthpartnerbook.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=53"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/www.birthpartnerbook.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/53\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":137,"href":"http:\/\/www.birthpartnerbook.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/53\/revisions\/137"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.birthpartnerbook.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=53"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.birthpartnerbook.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=53"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.birthpartnerbook.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=53"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}